When I was 20, I was diagnosed with PCOS or polycystic ovarian syndrome. It cut the chances of me having children to slim to nothing. So when I married James, we got pregnant right off the bat. We were ecstatic! It was a miracle!
Everything with the pregnancy was going wonderfully. We had doctor's appointments set up, we were buying baby things, and we were loving life. Then an unbearable thing happened. At the time, James was traveling with the Blackwood Quartet and they were performing in Maggie Valley, North Carolina. I felt a sharp pain, and I knew right then that I was loosing the baby. I called James and told him he needed to come home. Ron Blackwood was so kind and sent James on his way home. I was in so much pain. I couldn't stop crying. I didn't understand why God was doing this. We went in on Monday for an ultrasound. I was hoping that by some miracle that the baby was still there. That he/she was ok. Sadly, that wasn't the case. The doctor came in, sat with us, cried with us, and even prayed with us. She was amazing. I will always hold a special place in my heart for her. For the longest time I was mad at God. I didn't understand why he would give us this miracle and then take it away from us.
Our baby's birth date came. It was a very hard day. I was emotionally a wreck.We went to the river, said a prayer, and put some roses in the river. All of the sudden, four geese got on each side of the flowers and started following them down the river. At that moment, I had such peace. It was freeing.
Every year that our Angel's birthday comes around, James and I do a little something in remembrance of he/she. Whether it is releasing balloons or something else, we have our moment of remembrance.
This year, I have chosen JOY! It doesn't mean that I have forgotten our little one. It doesn't mean that I haven't thought about what could have been. It means that on this day, I choose to be happy! I have so many things to be grateful for. I have the love of my life beside me every day to walk out this thing called life with me. I have a beautiful "step" daughter that I have loved since the first day I met her almost 6 years ago. I have two of the most adorable grand babies around. My life hasn't turned out how I thought it would be......it is so much better!
No comments:
Post a Comment